Monday, June 3, 2013

Coming to an End (for the most part)

In about a week I will be sitting in a crowd of my peers wearing a long black gown and a funny looking hat. This will be our graduation ceremony, it will be four hours long because small liberal arts schools don't like to do separate ceremonies. We will be mature and listen because we are adults now, we are graduating from college for goodness sake. (Little do they know I plan on bringing a book under my gown, 4 hours can make a girl go insane).

It seems strange college is over (well... for the most part). In the past four years so many unexpected events have come about, and to think I thought I knew so much in the Fall of 2009 when I moved out and started my freshman year. I changed my major twice, I changed schools, I moved out of state, I fell in love, I discovered that pain can have devastating effects and that bitterness is a fickle friend. 

Looking back on these 4 years, I am in awe of God, the fact that he could still love me now is incredible. Through all my raised fists and rebellion, through my efforts to try and control everything and to fix myself, and through my pride He is still around. Sometimes I look up and say "Why? Can't you see this is a lost cause?" and always He stays, always He loves. It is a phenomenon, the Love of God; and perhaps that is what life teaches us, that God's love is unreasonable.

College was really hard, way harder than I ever thought it was ever going to be. No one tells you college is going to be rough because all you see is facebook pictures of people having fun and looking pretty. It is a lot harder to document anxiety, fear, self-hatred, mental illness, discontentment, financial trouble and insecurity.

Though it was hard, I am grateful. I have learned so much about the world, my God, and myself; which in the end is all I could have hoped for. In some areas I have learned that I know nothing and in other ways I have learned enough to go out into the world and make a difference. 

And things will change, they always do. Isn't it silly how change is inevitable yet we do everything we can to avoid it? It will come anyway, it is an unstoppable force and college has taught to me to let it take me where it must. 

1 comment:

  1. Doh, I love this. It is so beautiful, just like you. Congrats my dearest friend, I am happy to have shared these years with you.