I find myself in that place again, that downward spiral lined with a timid heart and a fearful sense of being. It is the self-doubt, the uneasiness, the wariness, the uncertainty, the mistrust; all twirling inside me in that downward spiral with walls that are lined with fear. It is this feeling that led me to start this blog, to explore what all this really means anyway.
Oh this wariness of the self....
Self-Doubt pushing away a paint brush, laying aside a pair of scissors, keeping my hands from ever touching a sewing machine.
Self-doubt leaving instruments untouched, music unplayed, songs unsung.
Self-doubt leaving recipes untried, work undone, dreams unreachable
Worst of all, self-doubt leaving people unloved, people unfed, people still broken,
self-doubt leaving my Creator at a distance.
The irony of it all is that the doubting of myself keeps me away from the One who created me and knows the very self that I doubt.
I so desperately seek to be a "natural" at something, to find my calling, my gift, the thing that I am exceptional at, but is that really how things work? I see myself comparing, as if my mind was a set of two balancing weights, constantly measuring my abilities to those around myself, and I never seem to measure up. I have the uncanny ability to find strengths in others and only weaknesses in myself. But, oh Julie, don't you know that comparison is the thief of joy?
If you really want to know something that I am exceptional at, then let me tell you; it is breathing.
I have been breathing for the last 22 years. That is really impressive, I have kept myself alive for 22 years. And I am keeping myself alive with every inhale and exhale in this present moment. I hold the ability to keep myself alive and that, my friends, is my calling and I will try my best to live graciously and lovingly into those breaths.
Tonight I will fall asleep confident, knowing that I, Julie Christine Babka, am an exceptional and naturally gifted breather.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Do What You Love to End What You Hate from Arts Aftercare on Vimeo.
I had the pleasure of experiencing a mock training for Arts Aftercare this weekend. It reignited my passion that can so easily be lost amidst deadlines and assignments. Please Watch. Please Donate. Please Spread the Word!
Sunday, April 14, 2013
We discovered our house can hold a pretty fine outdoor dinner party
all for the celebration of a dear friends birthday.
I celebrated the birthday of this precious one year old
I also celebrated my own birthday, yay 22!
Not only was it my birthday but also Mike and Greg's. So many April birthdays!
I surprised my love with a dinner that he thought would only be for the two of us (how boring is that??) Instead, I invited all his friends and family without him knowing. Surprises really are the best thing.
I warmed my feet with this pup's fur. Spring in Washington means 42 degrees and hailing.
I attended a joyous wedding that my darling was a groomsmen in. It really made me reflect on how valuable relationships are and that marriage is something to be cherished and protected. I honestly believe that watching people say their vows is one of the most beautiful experiences.
Isn't he the handsomest? A bow tie and suspenders does him well.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Friday, April 5, 2013
here are some weekly finds from Pinterest
(1) Julia Child has always known what's up.
(2) Drooling over this rustic cabin the Santa Barbara foothills. I wouldn't mind living on a fruit farm.
(3) Soaking in these sweet words. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander.
(4) This top from Anthropolgie. Oh my.
(5) Pretty plates from West Elm
(6) Is it summer yet? Can I please make strawberry cobble and put on a pair of shorts?
(7) I have officially decide that I want a backyard studio, perhaps for future private practice or creative projects! Ann Voskamp does it well.
(8) Speaking of summer, give me a linen dress and an ice cream cone. That is all I need.
(9) Loving these handcrafted wooden spoons
(10) Oh this picture, it makes me want to go and travel with my love to new places
Monday, April 1, 2013
This weekend was full of sun, where by the time the evening came your skin felt worn out and sun kissed; it was the first time I saw a temperature in the 60's since October. This weekend felt like freedom: chaco wearing, bike riding, market going freedom; knowing that He has risen so we may be free to live. It was glorious.