Gracious Creativity: A Note on the Present and the Future

On the Present:

I found this apple tree on one of my evening strolls. The textures of the thing!

We finally ordered a new rug for the living room. We currently have this giant tan rug (that matches the colors of the walls mind you) that our landlord insists we have to have to "preserve" the hardwood floors, aka cover them up so no one can ever look at them :(. We decided to save up for two 5x7 rugs to replace the giant rug that covers the whole room. So here is rug #1, at this rate rug #2 won't be around for another 3 months... cause you know, paying rent is more important than a rug... #firstworldproblems

Coffee in bed with David Sedaris

Coffee on the couch with Madeleine L'Engle

On the Future:

The Central branch of the Seattle Public Library

Over the past six months the course of my life has taken a huge turn. I decided I didn't want to use my degree in music and didn't even finish my music therapy degree. I did a lot of processing/praying/staring out the window/dreaming and my mind kept coming back to this one thing, libraries. I love everything that they stand for; intellectual freedom, open access to anyone despite race, gender, and socioeconomic status, and their value of community. I wanted to be a part of a "helping" profession but I don't have the stamina or personality to be a counselor or special ed teacher (two other career options I was contemplating). The thing is I am sensitive, introverted, and have a bit of an anxiety problem. The summer I worked with kids with special needs I had nightmares every night about something terrible happening at camp. When I was interning for music therapy I found myself becoming numb to my clients feelings because as soon as I began to empathize I became too sensitive and overwhelmed.

After realizing all this I started to feel like a failure. I thought I was a selfish person who didn't have the capacity to help others. God sort of nudged me and said "Come on kid, you are who you are, lets not be ridiculous now." True story God. I am who I am, how silly of me to think you couldn't use me. So yes, I'm anxious, I worry a lot, and I am not cut out for the heroic helping professions like social work/counseling/special ed. I think I am meant to help in a more quiet way. Thus the dream of becoming a librarian was born. First things first, graduate school. I am applying to University of Washington and the Pratt Institute in NYC where they have a dual degree program in library science and art history (can we say dream?) Mike and I have talked about the whole New York thing because we love Seattle and we have lots of family and friends around us, but he always reassures me that if its my dream then we have to go. Thankfully, his electrician's apprenticeship can be done anywhere in the U.S. so it won't get in the way of his school. But who knows what is coming next anyway. There are days when I am like "Yes New York!" and others day where I say "Seattle, I love you, I will never leave you or forsake you." Plus I have to get into grad school first... :).